...the past tense...

Yesterday, I caught up with an old friend. We haven't been in contact for the past few years. She has known us since Jakob was a toddler and Anna was just born. She gave me her latest news and asked for an update on us and our kids. I sent her a newsy novel---who is where and how old and what we are all doing. She had read about James' death and sent her condolences... I included James in the update--he had changed alot since she last saw him as an elementary kid years ago.

But...when I was done, I cried.

I've done lots of talking with friends and with new acquaintances about who James was. I've scrapbooked lots of pages celebrating the many roles he played. But all of that still felt much more in the present tense. Putting updates in writing made it so clear...my other kids are moving forward. There is a future to look towards and wonder about for each of them. But...writing about James was all in the past tense. There it was in black and white...no more future.

When I was done writing...I cried.